Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
