He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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