it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
