Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize