good thing vaginas are great cup holders
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
