Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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