Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
