hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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