He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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