Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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