I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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