I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
