I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Farmville is her only friend.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
