Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
