I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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