dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize