You're so nebulous sometimes
Your tits are I can't wait for
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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