I must be too annoying 4 u.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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