He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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