you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
