Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
this will be a night to untag.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
