his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize
