It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
