I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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