and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
