girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
