So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
