I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
