yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
