i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
