she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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