No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
