I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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