Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
