I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Boobs speak an international language.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Randomize
