my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize