You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
