Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
