They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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