The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
