Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize