i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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