summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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