is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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