What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
