I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Randomize
