dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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