I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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