I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
