i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize