sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
