id be glad to
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
