Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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