How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize