I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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