woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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