you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
