In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Alive.
So much puke
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Everyone says I win the strip club
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
