I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
me + whiskey = a bad person
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
