i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize