a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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