Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
