i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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