We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
