So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
