Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
