I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
