so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
