im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
