Someone shit on the floor
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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