I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
How does one acquire holy water?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
