what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
