4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
