How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
