The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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