worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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