Those balls look pretty dangerous.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
