so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I have peed in a lot of sinks
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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