I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
