The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize