When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
4 words: hood of his car
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
