I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
