Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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