If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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