I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
