His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
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