Someone shit on the floor
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
