Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
