So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
