and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize