1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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