so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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