A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
