So drunk, too bad you don't want this
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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