I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
