marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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