The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
