One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
