How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You're a waste of cheezeits
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
